Here I am again, absolutely awestruck by the magnificence of my Heavenly Father. If you have read the past couple of posts, “Consuming Fire” and “Seeking Change”, then you have had a window into a time frame that wasn’t looking so victorious.
The revelation that I have been given tonight has made me look over the past six weeks or so and have such clarity and understanding as to why I was walking through that valley.
My sweet husband is struggling with an uncontrollable situation. His elder brother, A, is diagnosed with cancer and the decision has been made to discontinue treatment and make every effort to keep A comfortable and pain free.
My husband and I tackle these difficult times in different ways. At least we have in the past. I tend to be the glass-half-full person and he tends to see it as half empty. I have found myself frustrated with his perception of circumstances and therefore found it difficult to show the compassion that I should as his wife.
We had a night like this a few months ago when A was first diagnosed. I was in tears as I listened to my husband’s anguish. My heart was just breaking for him. But I couldn’t empathize with him because he was so focused on the why. I want to move on to the “okay, what do we do from here” part. Forget about the why. The why doesn’t matter. Lets move on from the why.
This week the report that I talked about above was given. This evening my husband walked through the emotions of the reality from this new information. As I sat with him the revelation exploded inside of me. Suddenly I was finding that I could really identify with what he was feeling. He was saying words that I found myself saying over the last couple of weeks. He was angry. Really, really angry. I totally understood it. I fought with it just last week. My mother made the comment to me at church that I seemed really angry. I was. I told her I was. I said God made me He knows me and He is going to have to love me through this and help me figure this out. The whole time that I was walking through that I kept thinking that I should have been able to shake this off by now. In last weeks post I shared that I learned that it was a preparation time. Well who knew that I would be experiencing the result so quickly. I fully empathized with my husband’s pain, anger, and frustration. I just sat quietly, allowing him to purge himself of all the ugliness that was boiling inside. When he asked me if I understood, I said that I did and I really did. More than he knows.
So that is why I am awestruck. My Daddy is so smart. He knows that this is one of the most difficult times my husband will walk through. He knows that I need to be there at his side to support him through it. He knows me and He knew that I needed an adjustment. He loved me enough to allow me to hurt just long enough to get it. Now I am not saying that He teaches us with pain and suffering,
James 1:12-17
12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
but He knows when we need buffering.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
He also knows when we’ve had enough.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
I think after tonight’s purging session we can now get on with the “what do we do from here part”. We’ve made some plans to make sure that we can have some fun days with A. I know this will be a roller coaster ride but I am strapped in and ready to do this.
Be blessed and live your victory.
photo credit: image courtesy of graur razvan ionut at freedigitalphotos.net and epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com
live the victory 